Him and Me
Mood:  not sure
Topic: Life

Mine:

You have to speak your mind today -- no matter how scary doing so may seem. Some people need to hear the cold, hard truth today -- and you need to be the one to tell it to them. Do not let the threat of certain people's emotional reactions stop you from saying what needs to be said. Their intense defensiveness is preventing their personal growth. You can't insulate them from the truth any longer. You're not doing them any favors.

His:

It's not selfish to live the way you want to live; it's only selfish if you're trying to force other people to live that way, too. If someone looks askance at your choices, remind yourself that you're hurting no one.

Speshull
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: Me

You are amazing. Fantastic. Flirtatious. Fun. You are intelligent, smart, a genius. You are you.

You are funny and fun to be with. You are the one people want to sit up and listen to. And you make those who refuse, listen. You stand up for what you beleive in, and stand up for those who have lost their voices, or are too afraid to shout louder. You shout, you bawl, you scream. You make people think.

 An enigma. The obvious answer. Practice what you preach. Live, love and hang out the laundry.

Never safe, always in peril. Danger lurks round every corner. You carry on. You never give up. You persist. No matter how pessimistic be those around you, you are forever the optimist about the world and the people in it. But when it comes to you, it's a different story.

You are pessimistic. You are lonely. You are tired. You feel lost. The world is against you and there's nothing no one can do to stop it. You're cranky, annoyed, helpless. People are fighting amongst themselves for that sake of it and the voices in you're head are bickering once again. Words cannot describe just how empty you sometimes make yourself feel. You are terrified. But You have no need to be.

You are not alone. Thousands of people feel the same way you do. Everyone is lonely. Everyone is tired. Everyone feels lost. But at the same time, we are not alone - we are all in this together. People need people and we help each other climb higher. We dress up in costumes and act out our lives, but everyone knows that there is always something more underneath the make up. We are all tired, but we are alive... more alive than we have ever felt. Why? Because we are free. We all feel lost, yet we know exactly where we are, and where we want to be. We may not know the directions to that place, but we will get there in time. Patience is a virtue. If people want to bicker, let them bicker; they are the ones who are going to be worse off because of it. It is not your duty to sort out everyone else's problems. Empty? - Your own fault. Stupid brain. Playing tricks on me again. Scared? You better be. It's a big bad world out there and you're just gonna jump head first into it. Good. It'll be the best thing you ever do. Like a bungee jump - terrifying, exhilarating, and you learn so much about yourself in the process. And you achieve everything. Be scared. It's good for 'ya.  

You are special. Different. Something to be proud of. You are everything you ever dreamed of and more. You are more than you realise. And you can be so much more. You are the living light in people's lives. People out there would be willing to die for you. You are loved... so loved.

So it's not that kind of love you want? So what? Be patient. Don't be selfish. Love and romance will come in time. When you lest expect it. Romance is not needed to live a life full of passion for what you do and honesty in what you give. Be the person who gives to others, without wanting anything back. Be the person who loves life for the lessons it gives and the stories it tells.

Tell a story on every corner. Make a new friend in yourself everyday. Listen to that little voice inside, listen to the devil's advocate in your ear. And then tell him/her to piss off. Lies. Trying to distract you from your goal, your dream.

Listen to what your day is trying to tell you. The clouds can creat stories in the sky, as the breeze blows away leaves to reveal the path you take. It's time to be you. You don't have to prove anything anymore. You don't have to scream and flail your arms just so certain people will take notice of you. If they don't bat an eyelid, that's their loss, not yours.

Everyone dies a little bit. People are in secure, people lash out and fight phantoms becuase they don't understand the gibberish in their brains. Round and round in circles, round and round again. Let's not fall into that pattern again.

Fly. Use your wings. You'll get there someday. The journey begins now.

This is not the end, this is just the beggining... and the rest is still unwritten...

Jump.

Scream.

Dance.

Shout.

Cosplay.

Gameplay.

You're going to get off this computer, and stick a smile on it. Oh... and you're going to post this on your myspace, where everyone can see it, and not hide it away on that tripod.com blog account you've been using for months now, pretending you're head is sorting itself out.

It's time to be honest, open and me. So here you go. Emo, you say?

Damned Straight.

"Emo, Emo, Emo" - I'm not listening anymore!

What's you're name again? Oh yeah...

Spesh xxx

I found this on another site and, although I don't agree with calling people by the labels society gives them, sometimes its the only way to make people understand certain things... I suppose if the term "emo" wasn't used in the following piece, a lot of people wouldn't know what it was on about... HATE EMO? READ THIS: Isnt it funny that when you go to the shops with your friends you look down at the girl with black jeans and studs but smile at the girl wearing a a mini with a tshirt that barely cover anything? Isnt it funny you can change your music taste to impress a guy but when it comes to a girl who likes her own music and her own style, you give her a mouthful? ISNT IT FUNNY that a guy can get away with being a gangsta but the emo gets a mouthful from everyone are you laughing? Isnt it funny a emo can be quiet all through the week but gets more shit from everyone than the girl who sleeps around and sells her virginity? ISNT IT FUNNY that you dont mind your friends drinking, smoking but the minute someone mentions emo music you can give them a lecture on melodramatic teenage outcasts? im not laughing. ITS SO FUNNY that you and your friends can make a girls life hell and not know anything about the silent battle she might be fighting. ISNT IT FUNNY that you can call emos, punks, goths the retards but still manage to get through your day without an inch of guilt in your heart. HOW YOU CAN CALL A GIRL A POSER, HOW CAN YOU SAY "YOUR NOT EMO" OR "ATTENTION SEEKER" WITHOUT SPENDING A SECOND TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHY THERE ARE CUTS ON HER WRISTS AND WHY SHE SPENDS HER LUNCHTIMES CRYING INSTEAD OR LAUGHING WITH HER FRIENDS KEEP ON LAUGHING isnt it funny you can say and do all this without any idea of what is going on in this persons life without knowing her situation with her friends or her family or her LIFE BRAVE ISNT GOING UP ON STAGE AND STRIPPING BRAVE IS NOT SAYING A SPEECH OR DUMPING YOUR BOYFRIEND BRAVE IS GOING TO SCHOOL ON MUFTI DAY AND NOT FOR A SECOND CARE WHAT THE WHORES AROUND YOU ARE SAYING ABOUT YOUR CLOTHES ITS LISTENING TO YOUR OWN MUSIC AND BEING PROUD OF IT ITS GOING THROUGH EVERY DAY WITH THE THINGS PEOPLE SAY TO YOUR FACE AND BEHIND YOUR BACK AND YOU STILL KEEP QUIET ITS KNOWING WHAT YOUR "FRIENDS" ARE SAYING ABOUT YOU AND STILL CALLING THEM YOUR FRIENDS BRAVE IS KNOWING THAT TOMOROW ISNT A BRIGHT AND HAPPY FUTURE ITS ANOTHER DAY OF BITCHING AND DODGING RUMORS KEEP ON LAUGHING. if you agree put this in ur journal.

Yesterday
Mood:  happy
Topic: Me

Veggie

You.
Topic: You know who...

Stop it. You're hurting her. And him. And them. And me. I can't do this anymore.

 You're tearing us apart. He's pissed off. She's sucidal. I'm confused, hurt angry, elated, eclectic, insane... ill. She said you were cold hearted. You said you weren't. Prove her wrong then if you think you're so sure. Say sorry. It's not that hard. It means more than your offerings of money, your selective hearing and the-wolrd-is-against-me act. I'm sick of you. I don't want to see you.

 Stop it. Now.

...

And you, the other, say something will you? You don't want to hurt her feelings, but damn, she's hurting ours. Is that okay in your book? Not in mine. An Eye for and eye, a tooth for a tooth. I'm better than you, despite my youth.

Stop it. All of you. This is getting out of hand.

Sometimes I wish I was back there. My grazed knees hurt so bad. Now it seems pathetic. I want to graze my knees again, if it means you'll stop it. Now.

hmmm....
Mood:  not sure
Topic: Life

I don't want to sort it out. I want to explode. At Her. And Him. And Them. And the others.

See my insides, make me scream,
I don't feel very clean...

Where is he? What's taking so long? Is there a "He" for me? I always thought there was, but now I'm not so sure. I want him. Now. I want it to be dreamy.

Passionate
Out of control
Fierce
Extrodinary
Warm
Cherished
Loving
Affectionate
Happy
Ecstacy
Bittersweet
Understanding
Incomprehendable
Challenging
Funny
Hilarious
Silly
Childish
Mature
Sensual
Sexual
And much, much more...

What is she doing? I know exactly. Why is she doing it? I know exactly. I want to stop her, not calmly, not cleverly. With a Bang and a shout, a scream and a clout... then she'll know who I am; your grandaughter, my friend...

Fight Club
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: Society

Whatever happened to those "Great" people we read about in text books? Cleopatra, the people who fought in the Crusades, Joan of Arc? Who is a "Great" person in today's world? Do we have anyone that fits the bill? Probably not.

A friend and I were talking about this today. Her feeling is that we have nothing left to fight about. I completely disagree on this. We have so much more left to fight about; poverty, equal rights, politics, oppression, wars, bullying, prison sentences not being long enough. But we don't fight. At least, the majority of us don't, anyway.

Why don't we fight? Are we scared about what the government will do to us if we stand against them? Have they brainwashed us into thinking that there is nothing to fight about; that everything is okay? Do we just not know how to start? Do we even care?

There are a few people who still fight; Bob Geldof, Ariel Levy, etc... But government and powerful people, oppressive males stop them. I watched a video in Sociology today about muslim women not being allowed in some mosques in England. Why not? They still pray like men do. It's unfair. Amd rude.

I'm going to fight. Just watch me. Women's rights. Stop Poverty. Educate Kids. Girls into Punk. Speshull. Longer prison sentences for sexual offenders. Rehab in prisons. Preserve the natural world. Creative Writing. Believe in yourself. Love yourself. Sex Ed. Careers advice for disadvantaged Kids. Children in Need. Comic Relief. Anti-bullying. Freedom I want to give people hope...

... Because some very special people give me hope.

This is Doctor Spesh; Freedom Fighter. Women's Rights Activist. Journalist. Columnist. Novelist. Poet. Screenwriter. Anti-bullying Campaign leader. Social Anthropologist. Friend. Woman. Human. Tortured Soul - just like the rest of us...

Signing off.

Mood:  hug me
Now Playing: Time to step the game up...
Topic: The game
Have you ever wondered why things are taken from you? She didn't deserve it. Why should she have what should be yours? Was it yours? We will never know.

Sometimes things are not taken from you, just passed on to someone else for a while, perhaps because something better is heading your way. Maybe there's a plan at work here. When things are taken from you, maybe it's to make you stronger, to make you work harder, or to keep it from you for a while until you realise what it's worth. Maybe something more suited to you is on its way. Maybe. Just Maybe.

"Oh Yeah,
Miles to go,
Little Miss Muffet counting down from 7 - 3 - 0"

- Faith, "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"

All the answers will reveal themselves... Eventually.

Speeding Cars... Imogen Heap
Mood:  don't ask
Topic: And then it begins....
Heres the day you hoped would never come
Don’t feed me violence, just run -
With me through rows of speeding cars
The paper cuts, the cheating lovers
The coffee’s never strong enough
I know you think it’s more than just bad luck

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeh

Sleeping pills, no sleeping dogs lie never
Far enough away
Glistening in the cold sweat of guilt
I’ve watched you slowly winding down for years
You can’t keep on like this
Now is as bad of time as any

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t kill yourself
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeh

It’s okay by me
It’s okay by me
It’s okay by me
It was a long time ago

It’s okay by me
It’s okay by me
It’s okay by me
It was a - long - time - ago

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh don’t lose your head
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeh

There, there, baby
It’s just text book stuff
It’s in the ABC of growing up
Now, now, darlin’
Oh, don’t kill yourself
'Cause none of us were angels
And you know I love you, yeh

Mood:  don't ask
Topic: And then it begins....
How can some people still be so childish at 17 years old? Still bullying others, still throwing stereotypes at people... Hypocrites.

Why spend your time making up a fake myspace profile just to insult someone? If you hate them as much as you say you do... why put so much effort into it?

Try to make me change
Try to make me crack
Try to make me someone else
It aint gonna happen
You're only making me stronger...